I’ve started my Ph.D. about six months ago; thought I finally got where I wanted to be my whole life; thought all those years sacrificing my time and my energy and my other interests, relationships, opportunities, trips i never went to, books I never read, nights out i never had, summers spent in the library, the loneliness I had to pay as a price to be good enough, be the best physicist i could possibly be, to one day be paid to do science – thought it was all going to be worth it. I don’t know what i expected, some kind of radical change in myself maybe. That the energy i ’ve invested in my early twenties was going to be given back to me magically, the best part and time of my youth, and a new passion for physics was going to fill my brain and life. Well. It doesn’t go like that. What i got from making it to here is a kind of dull peace. No more anxiety, no more exams, no need to prove anything to anyone. But years have gone by and i’m never going to get them back. I realized i lived my bachelors and masters degrees always hoping the best was yet to come, putting up with so much shit because i thought: the best is yet to come. And i walked along that path without stopping to look at the beautiful things that were around me, because i thought those things were trivial. Now i look back at that path i’ve walked, and i realize a gate has been closed: i can no longer go back. What if i passed right in front of the “best part” without realizing it?
Don’t waste your youth forcing yourself to get through something for blind ambition or pride. Live.
college is just the worst opinions you’ve ever heard being counted as participation points
Summer schools be like
31, 39, 48 (physics) and….Congratulations! 🌸
31. Math pick up line
Hey girl do you want me to make a Fourier analysis? Cause you’re sending me complex signals
39. Last time you computed something without a calculator
i do that often to check if my Mathematica code works correctly
48. Has math changed you?
I like to think it has made me a more logical person, but i can’t prove that
(hoping you meant the math ask)